One about books
My first book proposal, some books I think you'll love and a talk
Last Friday, I submitted a book proposal. It’s a dream project for a dream publisher. And it has scared and exhilarated the living hell out of me.
As soon as I sent the proposal off, I had to put the whole feeling of the process into words. Since I didn’t give you a post last month so that I could focus on this proposal, I thought I’d share this with you now. This is raw and unedited, the pure feeling of doing something big and scary.
Even if this isn’t your cup of tea, please scroll to the end of this post. I figured I’d run with the theme and share a few books that have been on my desk that I have needed a shoutout. Plus, you’ll find a few pics and notes from the talk I gave at the end of February.
I just sent off my first book proposal.
That's a wild thing to say. A day I'd always imagined, somewhere off in some nondescript future. I never thought would be real.
I can't give too many details about what and who right now. That'll come later.
But I just had to take a minute and write - because that's what writers do. They complete one writing project and they find the experience so … complicated and difficult and edifying and exhilarating and terrifying that the only thing to do is sit down and write about it all. Because how else can we process it?
I realized yesterday that this proposal and the potential book is like a pregnancy. It's an intense labor. Before my last pregnancy, I prayed asking God for a healing experience carrying a child. What I meant was I wanted an experience that would erase all the bad and all the pain of before. Instead, God led me on a true healing journey, one that took me to the root of lies and distorted beliefs that were responsible for my pains and sufferings and he taught me how to speak truth into them. To challenge those lies and to take ownership of the wounds. To dare to wonder and dare to believe that those wounds would actually make me better and more capable of loving and being loved.
And now, he is doing it all again. Another healing pregnancy he is offering me. A labor of love. A new life to birth. Except this time, I know what that means. This book project brought wounds to the surface, wounds and lies I hadn't named and explored before. Once again, God is giving me an opportunity to give him those wounds and lies to be transformed into my glory. To dare to believe that that is what he wants for me, a life abundantly, a life full and brimming and beautiful, not because there is no pain, but precisely because there is. Because in his hands the pain is transformed. In his hands, ugliness can only become beauty. He is capable of nothing else.
And I couldn't keep that inside. When my heart is full, it must come out in the written word, raw and honest and rough.
All this turmoil and highs and lows of healing, a dear friend shared with me recently, is part of the gift. It's part of the labor. It's part of what gives the work I do new life. It's another child of mine. Another way God has called me to be fruitful. A way that I can give life to myself and my husband and my children because that's what a yes to God does. Yes gives life. Not easy life. Not uncomplicated life. Not life that is devoid of struggle. But life that is enriched by struggle, that is more full because of the pain that comes from growth.
I don't have to be a victim of my pain and sorrows, the lies that dare to hold me back. I can take ownership of them. They can be mine. Part of my gift, the fuel of my strength. Because I don't hold on to them or try to manage them alone. I give them to God. I tell him I cannot do it alone. I ask for his help. I ask for help from my friends. And they give it to me. They show me I'm not alone. My need is not a burden or a weakness. My need creates community. My need builds relationship.
A few months back, I shared some of my struggles with Jesus.
“You can't do this by yourself,” he said. “You need me.”
I scoffed. “Duh, Jesus. I wasn't going to try to do this without you.”
Never to be outdone in snarky comebacks, he replied, “If you do this with me, what will go wrong?”
What indeed. Nothing. If I do this with Jesus, if I name these demons and battle these lies, if I name my fears and refuse to let them win, and I do it all with Jesus, what could possibly go wrong?
Absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.
Whatever the outcome, I praise God, and I thank him that this project gave me all this. How generous of God that I didn't even have to write a whole book to get here, just a piece. Just a small piece was all he needed to continue his work in me.
Praise be God, now and forever!
I have had three books on my desk for a few months, and it is high time I tell you about them. These are all excellent books, available on Amazon, and if any of them touch on points of interest for you, I highly recommend you check them out.
On February 22, I have the honor and joy of giving an Introduction to Fertility Awareness talk at a semi-local church. It truly is one of my favorite things, sharing this information with women in a way that is as real and practical, and it is scientific. A dear friend organized it for her mom’s group, but as luck would have it, a priest-friend is at the parish and decided to open it up a little wider. It was so life-giving!
Even more fun, since it was a bit of a drive for us, we took the whole family up to spend the night at our friend’s house so I wouldn’t have to drive home late. It was one of those things that made me feel like my heart would explode for how lucky I am, in friends and opportunities.
A few of us went out for drinks afterwards, and I (jokingly) set the rule that we could talk about our kids for 20 minutes, but if we went longer, we’d all have to take shots. A deal a friend of mine and I made years ago on one of our rare nights away from the kids. It eventually led to all of us sharing what made us feel fully alive. It was incredible to hear what lights each of these women up. We are so unique, and intentionally so, even though we’re all mothers, and God gave us so many gifts for us to be fruitful and fulfilled.
When it came to my turn, one of the women asked, “So what makes you come alive?” I laughed and quickly said, “You just saw it!”
Oh and…
Happy Mardi Gras! Laissez les bon temps roller!!